20 Days

I often go back to the time
When we sat on the staircase outside late one spring night,
When I threw my bitter resentments at you,
My despondency wrapped in I-hate-you’s.
But you hung on my acidic words,
Promising to make things right.
Do you remember, when we had our last 20 days ahead of us?
Do you remember your heartening words?

I often go back to the time,
Of our inhibited talks.
Your festering fears.
My profound apprehensions.
Our little ice cream walks.
Do you remember those casual saunters?
If only they lasted a little bit longer.

I often go back to the time,
When you took my hand,
And waltzed me around.
When everything else,
Evanesced in the background
A moment which passed before I could savor it.
Do you remember that song
Which suddenly became my favorite?

Oh how it killed me to watch it all fade,
But all I had,
Were those last 20 days.
Until you decided
To drop the masquerade.

-SR

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Life Lately …

Life lately has been pretty much upside down with all the Stranger Things happening around, but I’ve gotten used to it.
Was that a pretty pathetic attempt at being funny while opening a blog post , which has been due for an year? …. Okay I get it… you don’t need to answer that!

I see my last post here and I see 22 year old me trying to be all wise and smart and, 23 year old me , right now, is just cringing so hard. But damn that girl was wiser than me, whatever happened to her.

An year later now, I’m out of college, leading a cliched “big-city-big-job-lonely-life” and feeling terrible exhausted, and bored. Good news , I’ve saved up enough money now to make a pilgrimage to holy land of London and see with my own mortal eyes , the holy world of Harry Potter aka WB Studio in all its glory. Bad news, I can not afford to take any leaves from work. Oh yess!! Saddest situation ever!! Plus, my mum wouldn’t let me go alone so…   (I’m just going to ponder on for a while about which excuse sounds sadder than the other)
Anyway, so I was saying … life here is killing me. I remember during my last few days at college, I was starting to get mixed feelings. Of course I was upset, but there was some part of me which constantly screamed NO ASSIGNMENTS NO EXAMS, and that just got me ‘elated’, every single time. And 3 months after that, I forgot what that word felt like. Life has become a constant cycle of work-eat-sleep-repeat and I’m just spinning with it. And not to sound very sentimental and cry-ey about it, most of the time I just pass it with a ‘K Whatever attitude‘ , except on a few days when I come back a bit late from work and I can smell something good cooking while walking past every damn house/flat in my society and I reach my place, stuff my face with cold bread and butter and cry myself to sleep on those nights.
Actually , no that’s not true, I’m just being over dramatic, but you get my point, right? For twenty two years , I’ve lived surrounded with people, and suddenly there’s so much peace and quiet in my life that I just find hard to digest sometimes. (TBH, being an introvert helps a lot but not always). So, to solve that problem, I signed up on some extra courses, and long story short , it’s just more assignments and work life + student life going hand in hand. I don’t know which one I’m doing part time.

But anyway, it’s not sad all the time. I mean I don’t have to think twice anymore if I want to buy something and I get that feeling of being independent, which I just love waking up to everyday.  I’ve also learned to cook a lot of things. And while, I’m still struggling to be a pro at adulting, one thing I’ve definitely learned is to NOT care about people or silly things a lot. Oh wait, is that me throwing shade at someone/something? Or am I just being dramatic again? Hmm…

So that’s enough about career. Moving on, how can I not mention? BOOKS!!
I haven’t read a lot lately, but ALONE IN BERLIN by HANS FALLADA? Man, that book gave me chills. That’s another addition to my favorite Nazi themed novels. Just a fun fact, this masterpiece was written in 22 days. 22 DAYS!?!?!! I mean you really really have to read it to know how good it is. If you’re into reading, better get your hands on it ASAP! If you’re not, well… you have my sympathy.
I’m also trying to finish Cosmos by Carl Sagan and Made In America by Bill Bryson, since foreverrr, but something about non-fiction, it just takes me soooo long!! Oh and I also finally read Catch-22, and I know I’m so late to the club, BUT WHAT A FIVE STAR BOOK THOUGH! *Tosses it on my pile of favorite books*. There might be around 10 , maybe 12, books more, but I can’t think of anything to specially mention.

I can’t think of anything to add more now.
I would tell you about the time when I cut my feet with glass and just went to sleep leaving it bleeding like that because I’m clumsy and ignorant like that (Ha! Talk about adulting), or maybe that time when I felt so heartbroken for Cassini, a spacecraft’s, self destruction that I ranted about its ‘suicide’ for half an hour over call to my brother because I become an emotional mess sometimes, but those stories are much too random and much too long to accommodate in this post. So much… SO MUCH has happened in this past one year, that I just can’t pick my favorite stories to tell. Should I mention those about my travels, or about my work or all the random batshit crazy experiences I’ve had? *pulls out my 2017 journal, looks at the number of pages, keeps it back*. Maybe some other time guys. I’m just going to end this here.
And I’ll leave you with a song I’m listening to right now…

Have a good night/day, if you’re reading this.

Later,
Srishti

 

Feels like 22!

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I turned 22 on 22nd October this year and I’ve been intending to write a post about it ever since… but oh… my lazy self.
I TURNED 22 ON 22!! ALRIGHT!! I’M ALLOWED TO BE EXCITED ABOUT IT AND I’M ALLOWED TO NOT POST ABOUT IT UNTIL AFTER A WEEK RIGHT??? RIGHT??

(*whispers to self* Sit down Srish, you’re looking stupid! )
Okay I’m sorry. I don’t know what I’m writing. Alright, back to the subject, hmm…

So what’s changed between 21 and 22?
Nothing. And everything.
Every year it’s like “Oh it’s my birthday… I’m officially an year older but do I really feel older?”
“Yes, of course, I feel older and wiser.”
“REALLLYYY??”
“Hell NOOOO!!!” 

This year, the answer is YES! This year it genuinely feels like 22.
I’m wiser than 21. I’m sillier than 23.
I’ve never felt more myself than I’m feeling now. At 22.

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Delirium

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Light as a feather, drifting away with the wind,
Or lost in space, floating to the ends of the galaxy,
Or fierce like a dragon, ruling the mountains,
Or swimming in the depths of my own childhood memories
I live in my dreams,
away from the confined realities.
Where I’m free.
Where I’m infinite.

And the nightmares that haunt me,
I’ve accepted as my own,
At least they make me aware of every breath I take,
With those demons I have grown.
They don’t scare me,
half as much as those dreamless slumbers.
Making me oblivious of the world,
Of my own existence,
Taking away everything I’ve ever known,
in an instant.

Yet I know, it’ll swallow me one day,
into its eternal darkness,
which makes me think,
maybe I’m not afraid of loosing myself,
maybe I’m just afraid of waking up.
From this beautiful dream which I so like to call a confined reality.
Maybe this is all I get, to fly and to be free,
to be humane and to be fierce,
to be one thing at a time,
or to be everything at once.

And I’m not ready to let this go,
my dreams, my deliriums
I’m not ready,
to wake up yet.

-SR


I claim no rights on the picture used above.

 

Walking Mundanity

Summer 2016, Sunday morning, 11:00 am, forget about the whole post, I’m still stuck thinking about what my next line would be. Because hey, walking mundanity, that is my life. And I friggin’ love it!

Straight out of the first year of MBA, or what I like to call, the grinding year, that sucked my soul like an ugly dementor. Not that dementors are beautiful, anyway, and definitely not kissable… but you get the point, right? So here I landed in apparently, one-of-the-most-happening-cities of my country, as the children these days call it (What can I say, I’m an old soul), for my internship. And I don’t challenge that title because it is the most happening, if 1. you like trekking (which is not possible in this season unless you wear a fire proximity suit… but that would be really uncomfortable to go trekking in, I reckon) or 2. if you like to drink. A lot. Which is something that doesn’t interest me. But despite that, I’m loving it here SO MUCH!

One, I’m alone. Two, I’M ALONE!
I mean I’ve never been this independent in my entire life. Sure, it gets boring sometimes. And I’ve had my fair share of I-want-to-go-home moments. But then, these are the two months which I’ll never forget. If you’ve still not understood why I’m so happy with my life here, I’ll set a scene for you. Books, loads of food OF MY CHOICE, HELL LOT OF SLEEP, aimlessly roaming around the city, hours of binge watching,  hours of uninterrupted day dreaming, and…the best thing.. there’s no one to question. Oh and internship? Well, it’s all good. Demands me to work only about 12-15 hours a week, that too on a field job in marketing. So much exposure and so much learning in such few hours. I couldn’t ask for more. This is perfect.

So long-story-short, I’m having the time of my life here. Which is soon going to end, in about half a month. And I’m trying to make the most of every single day. Books to finish, places to visit, restaurants to dine in, TV shows to watch and shop , shop, shop , before it’s all over and I’m once again caught up in the busy life of assignments and tests.

So that’s all about what I’ve lately been up to.

Stay tuned for some book reviews, maybe some artworks, and random rants about random stuff.

Later,
Srishti

Life, Lately 2.0

Okay so here’s the thing… it’s been 3 months since I posted. And I wouldn’t be here today writing this if one of my twitter friends hadn’t acknowledged my close-to-zero blog writing skills. Hey Nanu, are you reading this???  I mean seriously dude, I suck… BIG TIME. But your words were a real push. And hence I’m here. Thanks bud.

Okay so coming back to the post… uhhhmm I have no friggin idea what to write about. So I thought, why not make this post into another ‘Life, lately’ post and rant about my life, as if I don’t do that anyway. But helloooo… mah blog, mah rulezzz !

So these days I’m at home (Yayy good long Diwali vacations) chilling, relaxing, sleeping my days off like a koala… no actually, not literally, because Koala sleeps for 21-22 hours a day (there you have your fun fact of the day, you’re welcome) but seriously speaking, A LOT! Aaaand I’ve been eating a lot, like a pig, and that’s literally because I’m pretty sure I have gained like 4 to 5 kgs in the last 10 days. But then, who cares, right? YOLO!! (Are we still using that? No? I’m so sorry. Can we just forget I ever said that?)

Okay, other than that, the college life has been going really well. Just casually spending hours rolling in mud and lighting up food in our rooms in the wee hours of night and then dying hungry… stuff like that. Just kidding (not really!). But yeah, it’s all fun, thanks to people (read: AWESOME people) around me. And it’s equally exhausting because I’ve been studying my head off (NOT REALLY, but it’s the most I’ve ever done in my life). Remember my last post? Same old, same old. Oh and I did not make it to that committee (like I had any chance anyway).

I realize this post is getting pretty boring now… okay so what elseeee. I think I should stop writing because GODD I’M SO BORING ! What do you see in my posts, Nanu?
And to make up for my lack of creativity, I’ll leave you with a song I just discovered, and by that, I mean, whilst writing this post, literally. (Think I’ve found my next LSS).

Alright then,
Have a good night… good day… whatever! 😀
Later,
Srishti

Life Lately…

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So long since I last wrote. Let’s go back to April when I got my acceptance letter from that college where I screwed my interview big time. I don’t know what kind of magic worked but I frankly never thought that in three and a half month’s time, I’d be sitting here and writing this blog.

Okay, so fast forward to now. I’m here. Although I’ve been getting mixed feelings about being here, but as opposed to the most of the things I don’t like, 90% of which consists of studying everyday, there are some things which I am really enjoying. Like the food here and the campus. And my room mate and a couple of other people. Oh and did I mention? One of my seniors looks a bit like Joe Jonas from the side view? I mean, SERIOUSLY!!

Going back to studying, it’s not like I was expecting this place to be an amusement park, and it’s not like I spend my whole day sitting back in my room with books. I mean… okay I’m a bit lazy when it comes to books , but still… the pressure and the competitive ambiance here is getting to me already. And it’s just a start.

To add to my not-so-much-but-kind-of-out-of-sorts life, I decided to apply for the placement committee here, which sounds pretty impressive but right now I’m struggling to find Honeywell Technological Solutions’ annual turnover, which I’m as far from finding out as I am to collecting 10 personal contacts of corporates by tomorrow night. All this and much more to get through the second round of selection process. And by right now, I mean right at this moment in another tab. Not to mention, I recieved the mail only a few hours back and tomorrow’s sunday so… I’m not enjoying this at all.  But somehow I’m finding it very appropriate to write about my problem here rather than actually putting the effort to be done with the task. This, in addition to 3-4 reading assignments which I have to do tomorrow. It’s 3 am. And you could say my Sunday is going to be pretty boring. Ahh! Perks of being in a B school.

So that’s a little glimpse of what’s happening right now in my life. Not very fun but still interesting, in more ways than one. Also, we had a fresher’s party tonight which was possibly the most ridiculous fresher’s party in the history of fresher’s parties. But I still had a good time.

Anyway, I’m sleepy now. And I’m exhausted. And I may or may not be able to submit the task tomorrow and consequently may or may not make it to the placement committee, and even though I’m a bit homesick and  I’m not 100% loving the life here, but still… I’m so glad I’m here.