Feels like 22!

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I turned 22 on 22nd October this year and I’ve been intending to write a post about it ever since… but oh… my lazy self.
I TURNED 22 ON 22!! ALRIGHT!! I’M ALLOWED TO BE EXCITED ABOUT IT AND I’M ALLOWED TO NOT POST ABOUT IT UNTIL AFTER A WEEK RIGHT??? RIGHT??

(*whispers to self* Sit down Srish, you’re looking stupid! )
Okay I’m sorry. I don’t know what I’m writing. Alright, back to the subject, hmm…

So what’s changed between 21 and 22?
Nothing. And everything.
Every year it’s like “Oh it’s my birthday… I’m officially an year older but do I really feel older?”
“Yes, of course, I feel older and wiser.”
“REALLLYYY??”
“Hell NOOOO!!!” 

This year, the answer is YES! This year it genuinely feels like 22.
I’m wiser than 21. I’m sillier than 23.
I’ve never felt more myself than I’m feeling now. At 22.

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Delirium

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Light as a feather, drifting away with the wind,
Or lost in space, floating to the ends of the galaxy,
Or fierce like a dragon, ruling the mountains,
Or swimming in the depths of my own childhood memories
I live in my dreams,
away from the confined realities.
Where I’m free.
Where I’m infinite.

And the nightmares that haunt me,
I’ve accepted as my own,
At least they make me aware of every breath I take,
With those demons I have grown.
They don’t scare me,
half as much as those dreamless slumbers.
Making me oblivious of the world,
Of my own existence,
Taking away everything I’ve ever known,
in an instant.

Yet I know, it’ll swallow me one day,
into its eternal darkness,
which makes me think,
maybe I’m not afraid of loosing myself,
maybe I’m just afraid of waking up.
From this beautiful dream which I so like to call a confined reality.
Maybe this is all I get, to fly and to be free,
to be humane and to be fierce,
to be one thing at a time,
or to be everything at once.

And I’m not ready to let this go,
my dreams, my deliriums
I’m not ready,
to wake up yet.

-SR


I claim no rights on the picture used above.

 

Walking Mundanity

Summer 2016, Sunday morning, 11:00 am, forget about the whole post, I’m still stuck thinking about what my next line would be. Because hey, walking mundanity, that is my life. And I friggin’ love it!

Straight out of the first year of MBA, or what I like to call, the grinding year, that sucked my soul like an ugly dementor. Not that dementors are beautiful, anyway, and definitely not kissable… but you get the point, right? So here I landed in apparently, one-of-the-most-happening-cities of my country, as the children these days call it (What can I say, I’m an old soul), for my internship. And I don’t challenge that title because it is the most happening, if 1. you like trekking (which is not possible in this season unless you wear a fire proximity suit… but that would be really uncomfortable to go trekking in, I reckon) or 2. if you like to drink. A lot. Which is something that doesn’t interest me. But despite that, I’m loving it here SO MUCH!

One, I’m alone. Two, I’M ALONE!
I mean I’ve never been this independent in my entire life. Sure, it gets boring sometimes. And I’ve had my fair share of I-want-to-go-home moments. But then, these are the two months which I’ll never forget. If you’ve still not understood why I’m so happy with my life here, I’ll set a scene for you. Books, loads of food OF MY CHOICE, HELL LOT OF SLEEP, aimlessly roaming around the city, hours of binge watching,  hours of uninterrupted day dreaming, and…the best thing.. there’s no one to question. Oh and internship? Well, it’s all good. Demands me to work only about 12-15 hours a week, that too on a field job in marketing. So much exposure and so much learning in such few hours. I couldn’t ask for more. This is perfect.

So long-story-short, I’m having the time of my life here. Which is soon going to end, in about half a month. And I’m trying to make the most of every single day. Books to finish, places to visit, restaurants to dine in, TV shows to watch and shop , shop, shop , before it’s all over and I’m once again caught up in the busy life of assignments and tests.

So that’s all about what I’ve lately been up to.

Stay tuned for some book reviews, maybe some artworks, and random rants about random stuff.

Later,
Srishti

Life, Lately 2.0

Okay so here’s the thing… it’s been 3 months since I posted. And I wouldn’t be here today writing this if one of my twitter friends hadn’t acknowledged my close-to-zero blog writing skills. Hey Nanu, are you reading this???  I mean seriously dude, I suck… BIG TIME. But your words were a real push. And hence I’m here. Thanks bud.

Okay so coming back to the post… uhhhmm I have no friggin idea what to write about. So I thought, why not make this post into another ‘Life, lately’ post and rant about my life, as if I don’t do that anyway. But helloooo… mah blog, mah rulezzz !

So these days I’m at home (Yayy good long Diwali vacations) chilling, relaxing, sleeping my days off like a koala… no actually, not literally, because Koala sleeps for 21-22 hours a day (there you have your fun fact of the day, you’re welcome) but seriously speaking, A LOT! Aaaand I’ve been eating a lot, like a pig, and that’s literally because I’m pretty sure I have gained like 4 to 5 kgs in the last 10 days. But then, who cares, right? YOLO!! (Are we still using that? No? I’m so sorry. Can we just forget I ever said that?)

Okay, other than that, the college life has been going really well. Just casually spending hours rolling in mud and lighting up food in our rooms in the wee hours of night and then dying hungry… stuff like that. Just kidding (not really!). But yeah, it’s all fun, thanks to people (read: AWESOME people) around me. And it’s equally exhausting because I’ve been studying my head off (NOT REALLY, but it’s the most I’ve ever done in my life). Remember my last post? Same old, same old. Oh and I did not make it to that committee (like I had any chance anyway).

I realize this post is getting pretty boring now… okay so what elseeee. I think I should stop writing because GODD I’M SO BORING ! What do you see in my posts, Nanu?
And to make up for my lack of creativity, I’ll leave you with a song I just discovered, and by that, I mean, whilst writing this post, literally. (Think I’ve found my next LSS).

Alright then,
Have a good night… good day… whatever! 😀
Later,
Srishti

Life Lately…

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So long since I last wrote. Let’s go back to April when I got my acceptance letter from that college where I screwed my interview big time. I don’t know what kind of magic worked but I frankly never thought that in three and a half month’s time, I’d be sitting here and writing this blog.

Okay, so fast forward to now. I’m here. Although I’ve been getting mixed feelings about being here, but as opposed to the most of the things I don’t like, 90% of which consists of studying everyday, there are some things which I am really enjoying. Like the food here and the campus. And my room mate and a couple of other people. Oh and did I mention? One of my seniors looks a bit like Joe Jonas from the side view? I mean, SERIOUSLY!!

Going back to studying, it’s not like I was expecting this place to be an amusement park, and it’s not like I spend my whole day sitting back in my room with books. I mean… okay I’m a bit lazy when it comes to books , but still… the pressure and the competitive ambiance here is getting to me already. And it’s just a start.

To add to my not-so-much-but-kind-of-out-of-sorts life, I decided to apply for the placement committee here, which sounds pretty impressive but right now I’m struggling to find Honeywell Technological Solutions’ annual turnover, which I’m as far from finding out as I am to collecting 10 personal contacts of corporates by tomorrow night. All this and much more to get through the second round of selection process. And by right now, I mean right at this moment in another tab. Not to mention, I recieved the mail only a few hours back and tomorrow’s sunday so… I’m not enjoying this at all.  But somehow I’m finding it very appropriate to write about my problem here rather than actually putting the effort to be done with the task. This, in addition to 3-4 reading assignments which I have to do tomorrow. It’s 3 am. And you could say my Sunday is going to be pretty boring. Ahh! Perks of being in a B school.

So that’s a little glimpse of what’s happening right now in my life. Not very fun but still interesting, in more ways than one. Also, we had a fresher’s party tonight which was possibly the most ridiculous fresher’s party in the history of fresher’s parties. But I still had a good time.

Anyway, I’m sleepy now. And I’m exhausted. And I may or may not be able to submit the task tomorrow and consequently may or may not make it to the placement committee, and even though I’m a bit homesick and  I’m not 100% loving the life here, but still… I’m so glad I’m here.

Catcher In The Rye

url“Among other things, you’ll find that you’re not the first person who was ever confused  and frightened and even sickened by human behavior. You’re by no means alone on that  score, you’ll be excited and stimulated to know. Many, many men have been just as troubled morally and spiritually as you are right now. Happily, some of them kept records  of their troubles. You’ll learn from them—if you want to. Just as someday, if you have something to offer, someone will learn something from you. It’s a beautiful reciprocal arrangement. And it isn’t education. It’s history. It’s poetry.”

You know how good it feels when you just pick up a book with absolutely no high expectations but it turns out exactly what you needed to read to not feel alone. This is that book. No fantasy, no big dragons and wise wizards, nothing about any star crossed lovers, nothing about civil wars or fights against rascism, no murder mystery or thriller. Just a 16-year-old boy narrating a couple of days of his life after he’s expelled from his school. I probably wouldn’t have picked this book up if I had known what it is about. I’m SO glad I didn’t.

523d43599af7aeac69bdf5f2538bf101There’s this thing about this book, that you either identify with it, or you don’t. There’s no in between. And that’s why a lot of people think that this book is another one of those young adult novels about a whiny teenager who rants about how he hates literally everything and everyone around him. And then there are other kind of people who can relate to it and I’m one of them. Because honestly, we’ve all been through that phase, that period of alienation and estrangement in our adolescent years when so much as our routine life depressed us and broke us down. And we still go through those emotions once in a while. It’s really surprising how you could feel so close to a book which was written 63 years ago. But then again, human emotions never change whether it’s decades ago or centuries.

18dbf47906d7aa00bfb6f8c47439ce68Holden Caulfield, the protagonist of this book, isn’t an exceptional A grade student, or a child prodigy or a sports star of his school. He’s just a below average student who flunks all of his subjects except English, but that doesn’t mean he’s not intelligent. He’s always curious for knowledge he finds interesting. He thinks that adults are all pretentious and despises this world for being so phony and fake. All he really likes is reading books and going to the museum. A few pages into this book and you would realize what kind of person he is. He loathes everything. He’s aimless. He’s angry. He’s devastated. He’s frustrated. He’s depressed. He doesn’t have anywhere to go, not even his own home. But among all of this, there’s one person he really cares about. And that’s his little sister, whose childhood innocence is real and honest, unlike everything else. And he wants nothing more than saving her from this corrupted, hollow, hypocritical world. After all, this is all this book is about. Saving childhood innocence. This boy is not an adult yet, but he’s mature enough to understand what most adult people are like. And he doesn’t want his sister or any other children in general to be exposed to that world of phoniness. And this is what the title actually means. As he says…

Anyway, I keep picturing all these little kids playing some game in this big field of rye and all. Thousands of little kids, and nobody’s around – nobody big, I mean – except me. And I’m standing on the edge of some crazy cliff. What I have to do, I have to catch everybody if they start to go over the cliff – I mean if they’re running and they don’t look where they’re going I have to come out from somewhere and catch them. That’s all I do all day. I’d just be the catcher in the rye and all. I know it’s crazy, but that’s the only thing I’d really like to be.

So seriously troubled and distressed this boy is, that I desperately wanted to read a happy ending for him.  I needed to know that he finds a way in the end, that he somehow fits in somewhere. That he finds answers to all his troubles. That if life looks so bad at the moment, it doesn’t mean that it’ll not get better. To know that everything becomes okay in the end. But this book doesn’t have that end. It just ends on the same frustrated note with which it starts, probably J.D. Salinger’s way to tell the readers who relate to Holden to find their own ending. To find their own way. To find their own answers.
I would just say that if you have ever, ever in your life, felt like a misfit and have had that feeling of alienation from the rest of the world, this book is for you.

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Ready to say goodbye to my teens…

20th-birthday-jokesJust a month more before I wave goodbye to my teenage years forever and that, with a smile because they were brilliant and I wouldn’t change a thing about it, if given a chance (excluding some exceptionally embarassing moments but anyway…). But I refuse to believe that they were the BEST part of my life like most people say.

A lot of people around me (of same age as me) get really anxious about turning into an adult. I mean they’re literally dreading the day they’ll turn 20 or have already turned into an adult but still find it hard to accept it. And that can be real funny sometimes when you remind them this fact and they flip out. But seriously though, I think teens are so over-rated. I mean OVERLY over-rated.

I know, there are no responsibilities, you don’t have to think about life or anything for that matter except for yourself. And you are free to act anyway you want, no matter how crazy, and you can always be excused for that because it’s normal. Perfect life, right! But that’s just a general perspective of how people see it. The truth is far from it. I’m not saying I had a bad one, I’m just saying that it wasn’t always unicorns and rainbows, you know. I had my fair share of bad days, better days and a lot of utterly brilliant ones too like everybody does. But that doesn’t mean I want to just stick to this age group forever. The simple reason is that life has so much more in it’s treasure and I can’t wait to see it. And anyway, age is not a reason to act in a certain way or do certain things or like certain stuff.

I don’t want to say this but I’ve never quite felt like a teenager, to be honest. (I don’t know how I missed that rebellious phase everyone talks about, my parents are so lucky. Except for some days when i gave them real hell, I’m not perfect, come on, what were you expecting?… But no seriously.) And the weird thing is that I don’t even remember what I was like before 15. I mean I remember what I liked to do and what I loved, and I still clearly remember some wonderful times I had in those days, etc. But I don’t remember what I was like as a person, what my thinking was like or who I was, if you know what I mean. Or maybe I just never got over Harry Potter to think  about anything else. So I think it’s safe to say, that I’ve already forgotten half of my teenage years.

But long story short, that’s just how life is. You grow up and you forget what you were before, especially in your childhood days. And I think that’s the real reason why people don’t want to turn into adults. Because that’s really scary. But this shouldn’t keep us from being excited for the future. Having seen so many good days, we may think that there can’t be anything in the world better than that, so we tend to stick to the past and find it hard to let it go. But we forget that there are always  infinte possibilities in the universe and infinite number of chances for us to make it better. Of course, childhood is great but you never know, what life holds for you. So the only way we have is to move forward and embrace what life shows us and being positive about it.

Woah! So this post turned really idealistic really fast. I already feel so mature writing like this. But frankly, I didn’t think about writing such serious stuff when I sat down to write. And I’m in no way such a perfect happy person to accept everything that comes my way (as you’d assume by this post). And this is something I need to accept more than anyone else because I may not be worried about age, but I’m the biggest nostalgic person I know.

And in a way, I think I’ve kind of started this blog at a right time. Leaving behind my old blog, with all it’s kiddish rants and concerns, I’m moving ahead with this one, the more mature and sensible one. Possibly calling it kiddish when I’m 40 and looking back to it.

So if you’re reading this, and you can relate to me, just embrace what’s coming, don’t expect too much or too less and be positive. And that’s what I’m going to do. No need to be so emotional, we’re not dying. Ok. And anyway… *raises butterbeer mug*…  TWENTIESSSS! RIGHT?????? 😀